Review
Everyone has heard of the saying “actions speak louder than words,” and while that’s definitely true in most cases, sometimes, words mean EVERYTHING, and when they’re not said, the devastation is deep and pronounced, so much so that there might not be a way to come back from what’s remained unsaid.
Tobias Jackson loves words – that’s why he’s an English major, but when it comes to being able to say how he feels and lay everything on the line, he falters for a number of reasons, but the biggest one is that he refuses to get close enough for anyone to hurt him…anyone to walk away from him like his mother did and like his father does on a regular basis because he refuses to talk to his son or even get to know him.
Levi Baxter has always been the guy of Toby’s dreams…the one who stars in his late night wet dreams. But that Levi was always way better than the real Levi – the one who treated his brother and Toby like shit and always thought he was better than them. But time away from the small town of Coburn has changed both Toby and Levi, creating a sizzling connection between them and leading them down a path where they have to hide their attraction from those closest to them as well as deny their true feelings for one another because it’s too scary a situation…too much change…too much of a chance of getting hurt.
A Hundred Thousand Words was my first read from Nyrae Dawn, and what I loved about it is that even though it’s in the New Adult genre, there’s a uniqueness to the storyline that makes the text more meaningful. Toby and Levi both have issues to work through and find solace in one another, and even though their problems don’t go away, and they probably should have faced them awhile ago, they lend an ear to each other and teach each other what it means to care for someone else and willingly risk everything that scares them.
“For someone who loves words so much, you suck at using them when it really matters.”
And Levi matters, so Toby better find the words – no matter how many it takes – or else he’s going to be exactly like his father – a man of few words…few emotions…few close relationships.
A complimentary copy was provided in exchange for an honest review.
4.5 Poison Apples
Excerpt
“Last night you said something about your life not being what you thought, or you not being who you thought… Is that about being bi? You gotta know your family won’t give a shit, man.”
“No.” Levi shakes his head. “Hell no. And if anyone did have a problem, fuck them. I don’t care about that. I never hid it at school, either. It’s just…it’s hard to explain…” He takes a drink of his coffee. “I think the food’s helping my hangover. I feel a little better.”
“Smooth transition on the subject change.”
He gets this playful, cocky smile that I’m used to seeing from him. “Thanks.” Levi winks, but he can’t sway me from wanting to know what’s going on behind that charming as hell mask of his.
I remember the way his whisper sounded in the dark hotel room last night, the quaver in his voice. The way his arm had felt warm and heavy across my waist. My desire to know more makes me brave, braver than I usually am with Levi. “You said last night you knew I’d understand.”
“I was drunk off my ass last night. Jesus, you should have heard the thoughts in my head when I woke up in bed with you. Scared me shitless. I’m so glad at least one of us was sober last night so we didn’t make a really big mistake.”
The statement’s said offhandedly. I can tell it’s not supposed to mean anything, but it’s still a punch to the gut. The urge to hit him back literally tingles right beneath my skin. “You keep saying shit like that, but I’m telling you, I haven’t had any complaints before.” Straightening against my chair, I look around to flag our waitress over. There’s no point in keeping this going. There’s no reason I should be here with Levi at all. I’m Chris’s friend, not his. Why should I give a shit if Levi is rejecting me, when I’m not even offering myself to him?
“It trips me out to hear you say shit like that. You’re my little brother’s friend. I used to hide in Chris’s bedroom to scare the shit out of you guys when you’d watch horror movies.” Levi laughs, but I don’t hear anything funny.
“You sound like you think you’re better than I am. As though you have all this life experience that I don’t. You’re only a few years older than me.” The tingle under my skin becomes an annoying burn. I reach into my pocket for my wallet. “Here’s a twenty. My food isn’t more than that.”
Levi pushes the money back toward me when I drop it on the table. “Put your cash away. I asked you to come with me and screwed up your night, at least I can buy you breakfast. And why are you acting all pissy? What did I do?”
“Nothing.” It’s not like he’d understand anyway. I’m fully aware that I’m acting like a child right now. He hasn’t really done anything wrong, but I’m treating him as though he has. “Listen, I should go. This is… I don’t know what this is.” Levi and I aren’t close friends and probably never will be. He needed help last night and I helped him. That’s all there is to it, and there’s no point in me sticking around and maybe getting my hopes up for more than just some weird conversation over breakfast.
As I start to push to my feet, my eyes find his. His expression isn’t the cocky one he wore a few moments ago. It’s more like the expression I caught a glimpse of last night—his eyes narrowing as if he’s thinking hard and his lips turning down like he’s not sure what he wants to say.
I’m standing there next to the table, getting ready to tell him goodbye when he says, “I heard you once, when we were younger. It wasn’t long after you started spending time at our place. Your mom had left not long before. It was late and you were staying with Chris. I got up to take a piss and you were crying in the bathroom.”
What the actual fuck? Telling me he heard me crying in the john when I was a kid isn’t going to make this any less awkward. “Yeah, okay. Thanks for bringing that up.”
When I try to walk away, Levi’s warm hand wraps around my wrist. His skin isn’t as clammy as it was earlier.
“I get it. Your whole life had just fallen apart. You felt alone, lost. I guess I feel the same way sometimes, only I don’t have a real reason for it. Not the way you did.”
His words bounce around in my chest, colliding with my heart. There’s a quiet pain in his voice, something that’s maybe been there for a while, but he’s done a good job at hiding it. Right now he’s not trying, he’s naked and not in the way I’ve fantasized about too many times over the years.
“I don’t know what in the fuck I’m saying.” Levi lets go. “There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m happy. I’m fucking lucky. I’m getting my dream. I’m going to be a goddamned doctor. I’m just…” He shakes his head. “Fuck, I don’t know what I’m being. You can ignore me. I’ll catcha later.”
There’s no possibility of me ignoring or forgetting what he’s just said, the way he said it or how it feels. I’m standing here looking down at a guy I’ve known forever and feeling like maybe I don’t really know him at all.
“You don’t get off that easy,” I tell him. “You never let me or Chris off easy and I’ll be damned if I do it to you.”
Author Bio
When not playing with her kids or spending time with her husband, Nyrae Dawn can almost always be found with a book in her hand or an open document on her laptop.
She gravitates toward character-driven stories. She’s a proud romantic who has a soft spot for flawed characters who aren’t perfect and make mistakes. Her motto is be kind and she believes in following your heart.
Nyrae is living her very own happily-ever-after in California with her gorgeous husband and two incredible kids.
She’s written for Grand Central Publishing, Entangled Publishing, Harmony Ink, and is self-published. She’s represented by Jane Dystel. You can find her online at http://www.nyraedawn.net
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nyraedawnwrites?ref=hl
Twitter: https://twitter.com/NyraeDawn
Website: http://www.nyraedawn.net
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